The somewhat ironic thing about this post is that I find myself starting to write it on a Sunday morning in a quiet restaurant during a time when most others are going about their weekly acts of worship in various houses of God all around. Maybe I should be there with them. I don't know. I guess I'm still working that out. Mind you, that inner conflict has nothing to do with my actual faith in God. Or maybe it does. Maybe that's what I'm really trying to figure out. But I don't think so. No, my real conflict (and you know this if you've read almost any other blog of mine) is with the modern church in general. More specifically, what role is the church playing in our society today? What has the church become vs. what it was meant to be?
I'm reminded as I write this, that in the very restaurant I now sit, my wife recently overheard a group in the midst of a planning meeting. Not so unusual in this particular establishment, as people are often known to use it for business lunches or mobile offices. Apparently, these folks were in the midst of organizing a start-up company in that they were discussing using a "Starbucks model" for their new venture. Their dream, it seems, was to expand into shopping centers all over. Admittedly, although I found their originality a bit lacking, there was nothing particularly odd about this story she was telling me. Until, that is, she threw in this last little bit of information. They weren't planning the next great retail establishment; they were planning a church. What?!?!?! I admit I had to let that sink in a minute. Were they really serious? My wife sat within earshot of these people for the better part of her lunch break without realizing it was a church that they were discussing. I'm sorry, but how is that possible? I tried to imagine Jesus performing his ministry today instead of 2,000 years ago. There He is with the twelve disciples, gathered in a restaurant over bagels and coffee, discussing the Church. Talking about business models and marketing strategies rather than outreach and ministry. I became even more frustrated than I already was. When did churches become businesses? Even ones with the best of intentions and beginnings often find themselves sooner or later caught up in the business of Christianity. The pastor becomes more like a CEO and what used to be steps of faith are now carefully planned strategies. Is this really what Jesus intended for His Church? I don't know, but it's one half of the place I currently find myself.
You see, as I mentioned in the previous post, I’ve stepped back recently. I've shunned the typical Sunday worship for more of a temporary solitary journey. And a lot of that is due to what I've just described. Ultimately though, I do realize that part of our faith and part of being a part of the body of Christ is just that; being a part of the body. It was not intended for us to go this journey alone. Which brings me to my ultimate conundrum. What now?
I find myself contemplating my next step. And in doing so, I've raised questions that I just don't know the answers to. On one side of me is the modern mega church with its laid-back atmosphere and its contemporary stylings. It's what I'm used to and have invested myself in, but it's also the one of the reasons for this post. On the other side now is everywhere else. I've spent my entire journey of faith in just a couple of churches, but I now find myself wondering what else is out there. And as I drive around I see it all. I see the big churches and the small ones. The ones with steeples and crosses and the ones without. I see the small country churches and I see the massive stone buildings that have served as downtown pillars for decades. I see Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian, Alliance, Grace Brethren, Lutheran, Non-Denominational and so many other variations that it makes my head spin. I'm beginning to think there really is a church on every corner.
And then I try to let it all sink in. We have all of these different denominations and all these different styles of church that supposedly all fall under the umbrella of Christianity. But there’s such stark contrast between them all. How do we know what's right? And that's where you all now come in. I've never asked anything like this before. I've always been more than content simply writing my thoughts and leaving them in cyberspace for anyone that wished to read them. But now I want more. I want your thoughts. It's time to step up and put yourselves out there a little. It's really simple; if you read this I want you to comment on it. And I want to hear from everyone. There are people reading this who have spent their whole lives in church, some that even work there. There are ones that used to go to church, stopped, and are finding their way back. There are those that used to go and don't intend to ever return, and there are those that have never been to church in their lives. I want to hear from you all. I want to know where the church is within our society as a whole. My ultimate hope is to start a discussion. Readers commenting me, me commenting back, even readers commenting other readers. In the meantime I'll be writing plenty of new blogs, but I'm going to wait to post them. I want to see where this goes first. So who'll put themselves out there? Check back often and continue to participate in the discussion.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Just Trying to Find Jesus (An introduction to this site)
You'll come to realize over time that I like to read a lot. Well, I try to anyway. My current "to be read" pile nearly equals my "already read" pile. I'm sure the disparity could be much worse, but I tend to be pretty selective about what I read. In the future you'll likely gain a little more insight into what it is that I do read, but for now it's just one particular work I want to mention.
I was pretty thrilled a couple of years ago to hear that two of my favorite authors were co-writing a book. Naturally, I picked up my copy relatively quickly after it's release and while I'd love to say that I immediately devoured it, alas, I was already in the middle of another series so this new work was relegated to my ever expanding (and previously mentioned) "to be read" pile. But, that really is of no consequence to my purpose here, because it’s not the book itself I want to focus on.
In the time between buying the book and actually reading it (and for what it's worth, it was excellent) I decided to at least check out the DVD in the back cover. You see, each author was also currently promoting movies based on two of their past works, so this was a teaser of sorts complete with trailers, behind the scenes footage, interviews and a trivia game based on the authors. What I loved about the trivia (which I did very well at, thank you) was that after most questions, that particular author gave a more detailed insight into the answer. And it's one such question and answer that really hit home.
The question asked who the inspiration was for one of the lead characters in that particular author's book. The answer, quite simply, was himself. Upon explaining this, he mentioned that in some ways you could probably tell where he was in his spiritual journey as you read each of his works. I've transcribed below what he had to say about himself during the time he wrote the one the movie was based on. He said:
"I was going through a real pivotal moment that many or most Christians have to go through. It's like a coming of age. Where you cross a threshold from your Christianity being kind of a cultural thing. 'Well, this is what I am. I'm a Presbyterian, or I'm a Methodist, or I go to this church. And therefore I do what my particular Christian culture says that a Christian is supposed to do. I wear a certain clothing, and I use a certain expression and I go to church on Sunday and I go to Wednesday night bible study...whatever the manual says a Christian is supposed to do, that's what I do.' And then there's a point where you cross over and your faith becomes your own. It's not defined by the culture in which you were saved, or raised, or whatever. But it’s your own. And that is a big, big step. And a lot of it is preceded by a very difficult time of doubt, skepticism, questioning things. In my case there was a lot of burn out, a little touch of bitterness, and kind of a, 'Don't talk to me about what a Christian is supposed to be. I'm sick of Christianity. I just want to find Jesus, the way He really is.'"
That really sums up where I'm at and have been for the last couple of years. You see, I've spent well over half my life in the church. And to say that I was involved would be an understatement. It's like the author said, whatever the manual said I was supposed to do, that's what I did. Don't misunderstand me though. Most of it was done out of genuine love for what I was doing, and a genuine desire to be faithful to Him. But a couple of years ago, even before I heard the quote above, I began to feel it. The burn out. The bitterness. The questioning. Even in a church that almost prided itself on not having a culture, there became a sort of culture of non-culture if you will. And as I started to step back, I saw it with ever increasing clarity. I looked at my own life in depth and realized that I was being a part of that culture more than I was being a disciple. I was doing everything I was supposed to do, but my faith wasn't my own. Thus, my journey began. I started examining our Christian culture. Not just in the sense of an individual church, but as a whole.
And that's what this site is really all about. It's the continuation of my journey. My inward thoughts about trying to find something more authentic, expressed outwardly. I can't really tell you what you'll find here. It could be a quote I heard, or a song, or a book I read. It could be a verse I find relevant or just some random thought. What you won't find is anything claiming to be an answer. These are just my own humble thoughts and opinions.
Maybe you’re a new Christian and you're on that high thinking that you’ll never doubt your faith, and you're doing everything that your Christian culture says you should do. Maybe you’re in the process of crossing the threshold, doubting what you’ve held to all these years, knowing that there's something more authentic to be found, but not sure where to find it. And maybe you’re already there, having moved past all the bells and whistles and culture that we call church sometimes to the place where Jesus is waiting. Whatever the case, I hope you continue reading. As for me personally, I think I'm almost across the threshold. God is laying a lot of things on my heart. Maybe something will speak to you as well. Maybe it won’t. All I know is that I’m tired of being a "Christian". I just want to find Jesus.
I was pretty thrilled a couple of years ago to hear that two of my favorite authors were co-writing a book. Naturally, I picked up my copy relatively quickly after it's release and while I'd love to say that I immediately devoured it, alas, I was already in the middle of another series so this new work was relegated to my ever expanding (and previously mentioned) "to be read" pile. But, that really is of no consequence to my purpose here, because it’s not the book itself I want to focus on.
In the time between buying the book and actually reading it (and for what it's worth, it was excellent) I decided to at least check out the DVD in the back cover. You see, each author was also currently promoting movies based on two of their past works, so this was a teaser of sorts complete with trailers, behind the scenes footage, interviews and a trivia game based on the authors. What I loved about the trivia (which I did very well at, thank you) was that after most questions, that particular author gave a more detailed insight into the answer. And it's one such question and answer that really hit home.
The question asked who the inspiration was for one of the lead characters in that particular author's book. The answer, quite simply, was himself. Upon explaining this, he mentioned that in some ways you could probably tell where he was in his spiritual journey as you read each of his works. I've transcribed below what he had to say about himself during the time he wrote the one the movie was based on. He said:
"I was going through a real pivotal moment that many or most Christians have to go through. It's like a coming of age. Where you cross a threshold from your Christianity being kind of a cultural thing. 'Well, this is what I am. I'm a Presbyterian, or I'm a Methodist, or I go to this church. And therefore I do what my particular Christian culture says that a Christian is supposed to do. I wear a certain clothing, and I use a certain expression and I go to church on Sunday and I go to Wednesday night bible study...whatever the manual says a Christian is supposed to do, that's what I do.' And then there's a point where you cross over and your faith becomes your own. It's not defined by the culture in which you were saved, or raised, or whatever. But it’s your own. And that is a big, big step. And a lot of it is preceded by a very difficult time of doubt, skepticism, questioning things. In my case there was a lot of burn out, a little touch of bitterness, and kind of a, 'Don't talk to me about what a Christian is supposed to be. I'm sick of Christianity. I just want to find Jesus, the way He really is.'"
That really sums up where I'm at and have been for the last couple of years. You see, I've spent well over half my life in the church. And to say that I was involved would be an understatement. It's like the author said, whatever the manual said I was supposed to do, that's what I did. Don't misunderstand me though. Most of it was done out of genuine love for what I was doing, and a genuine desire to be faithful to Him. But a couple of years ago, even before I heard the quote above, I began to feel it. The burn out. The bitterness. The questioning. Even in a church that almost prided itself on not having a culture, there became a sort of culture of non-culture if you will. And as I started to step back, I saw it with ever increasing clarity. I looked at my own life in depth and realized that I was being a part of that culture more than I was being a disciple. I was doing everything I was supposed to do, but my faith wasn't my own. Thus, my journey began. I started examining our Christian culture. Not just in the sense of an individual church, but as a whole.
And that's what this site is really all about. It's the continuation of my journey. My inward thoughts about trying to find something more authentic, expressed outwardly. I can't really tell you what you'll find here. It could be a quote I heard, or a song, or a book I read. It could be a verse I find relevant or just some random thought. What you won't find is anything claiming to be an answer. These are just my own humble thoughts and opinions.
Maybe you’re a new Christian and you're on that high thinking that you’ll never doubt your faith, and you're doing everything that your Christian culture says you should do. Maybe you’re in the process of crossing the threshold, doubting what you’ve held to all these years, knowing that there's something more authentic to be found, but not sure where to find it. And maybe you’re already there, having moved past all the bells and whistles and culture that we call church sometimes to the place where Jesus is waiting. Whatever the case, I hope you continue reading. As for me personally, I think I'm almost across the threshold. God is laying a lot of things on my heart. Maybe something will speak to you as well. Maybe it won’t. All I know is that I’m tired of being a "Christian". I just want to find Jesus.
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